Why Closed Door?

I've had a few people ask me this question over the years. Why closed door? Aren't we all adults? Can't we just be adults here?

Hello, and welcome to my latest blog post where I'll be discussing the reasons behind my decision to write closed door romances.

It's a fair question. I know growing up we didn't have anything called closed door. There was romance and there was Christian romance. Those were my choices. One was guaranteed to have smut in most cases (some Regency didn't, if I recall) or there were only longing glances from across the room...

Neither appealed to me. Neither felt realistic or honest. Both made me uncomfortable but for different reasons. I'll explain more below.

Just before I was published with Blue Tulip Publishing, I'd attended a Christian Writers Conference up near Kent, WA. I pitched my book Out of the Blue to them and had a few people interested. Ultimately, they passed on it. One of the editors I met with informed me that my book, while containing faith elements, wasn't a true Christian Romance, therefore they were not inclined to pursue anything further.

A true Christian Romance, he said, needed little to no violence. My character has a black eye and bloody forehead from tangling with a green colt on the first couple of pages. That was too graphic for them (keep in mind that was 13 years ago and I do believe some things have changed since then). Also, my characters were more inclined towards passion than not and that was also a big NO-NO. I was advised to tone that down if I wanted a publisher.

As mentioned earlier, toning the tension and passion down didn't sit well with me. I knew I wanted to honor God in my writing. To me, that was a given. And I have strived to adhere to His standard. So why the struggle on passion and tension? When Blue Tulip published me, they called my book "Sweet Romance." But not even that seemed to fit as my books ARE NOT "sweet."

I've shared before about my rough upbringing. I was exposed to A LOT. I had to process A LOT. On one side, was my mother, who encouraged me to have sex before marriage. Telling me I wouldn't know how to please my husband if I went in blind. On the other side, was my dad, treating sex like a four-letter word. It was dirty and ONLY used for procreation. Needless to say, I found both sides confusing. And subsequently made seriously poor choices in my life because of it.

One truth I had to learn and it took me years to grasp this: Sexual attraction was NOT a sin. I'm about to be real frank here, so if you are easily offended, please stop reading here.

News flash: God didn't have to create the orgasm. Yet He did. He created that incredibly pleasurable feeling FOR US TO ENJOY. Meaning sex is meant to be enjoyed. Our spouse is meant to be enjoyed. THANK GOD. Literally. That said, we aren't intended to just have sex willy-nilly with whoever whenever. God gives instruction on that as well. For OUR protection. Physical, mental, spiritual, emotional protection. He knew what He was doing when He created us. His laws are FOR our good. For our betterment and safety.

I struggled trying to reconcile my feelings. I found myself sexually attracted to men. But always felt guilty for being that way. Even when I was still a virgin, intent on waiting for marriage before having sex. I didn't want to view sex in a negative light. I KNEW it wasn't dirty. Otherwise, God would not have created it to be pleasurable. He would not have created desire. Then God sent me this quote. I'd been scrolling through Pinterest. You know how we all get. Lost in thought, going down a rabbit hole. And suddenly this quote was there. And, oh man, did it resonate. It perfectly put into words my feelings whereas I had been struggling to formulate them.

"Purity is not the elimination of sexual attraction, but the ordering of sexual attraction demanded by love."

Sex and desire and passion and pleasure are NOT sins. They are gifts from God. But we DO need to respect and honor those gifts. God is quite clear on sexual sin and what it does to us. There are parameters for sex. And we are not to deviate from them. To do so only causes harm. Leave it to Satan to take something beautiful and twist it for destruction.

For myself, I'd already messed up. I'd had too much to drink one day and wasn't in the frame of mind to tell my then boyfriend no again. So I had sex outside of marriage. And like Eve partaking of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, I had gained a knowledge I didn't understand. And in doing so, had acquired a TON of guilt. So much so, that like Adam and Eve, I ran from God. I hid from Him. Ignored Him. Even fell so far as to curse His Holy Name and mock Christians.

But God. I may have ran from Him, but He was true to word to never leave me nor forsake me. Of all the ways He could have called me to repentance, He chose pregnancy. I could have been raped (that came close), could have contracted a disease. I didn't. No. instead, He permitted me to become pregnant. And as I contemplated the truth that I carried another soul inside my body and my choices would either direct to Heaven or Hell, I recommitted my life to God. And never looked back.

When my daughter was born, I'd fully expected God's judgement on me for my past sins. While I knew I was forgiven--I'd repented--I still knew I'd been guilty was deserving of punishment. But then she was born and seeing her perfect little self, I knew I was looking into the face of Grace. I'd obviously read about grace before, but it wasn't until that moment, that I KNEW what grace was. What it felt like and looked like.

Every decision I've made since then has been to question where God was in it. Was I setting a good example? Would she know her Heavenly Father by my choices? So when I started writing, keeping it God-honoring was paramount. Sex is not a sin. But we can sure screw it up when we don't handle it correctly, reverently, as the true gift that it is.

I hope this answered any questions you might have for me on the subject. If this has raised more questions, please don't hesitate to ask them. You won't offend me.

As always, thank you for being here and for being a part of this writing journey with me. Take care and God bless. Be safe and be kind. This world is crazy place.

Your Lady of Literature,

E.L. Irwin